How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
