I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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