hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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