Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and she was petting her beer can
the day after is always just damage control
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
