"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
