why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize