Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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