Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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