Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
