one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
