I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
