K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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