i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
