Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
