One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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