I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
