Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
