Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize