I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize