HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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