i just wanna soil my oats bro
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Welp...herpes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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