Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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