NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
