he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
