i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
