I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
