i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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