You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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