I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
