is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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