I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
