Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
