just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
