And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
