just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
