Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
