HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Bring me that man meat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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