he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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