I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
