Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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