His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
