we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
