Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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