Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
