I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
