I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
