Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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