I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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