just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
