Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
