ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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