god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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