we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
