1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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