The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
