I want to make a zoo with you.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
