Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
