if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize