any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
