he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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