I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
