Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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