He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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