Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
