just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
