the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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